Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
