i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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