Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
