Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
that's an acceptable place to lick
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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