Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
