so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
