i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
