he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just invented taco cereal.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He has the fingertips of a God
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