After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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