He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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