If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
