I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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