pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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