i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It was confusing and full of hummus
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
