i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
