He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
