Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
