I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
