I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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