i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
