She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
