i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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