Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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