new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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