he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
