I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
