Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
