I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
