the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
