It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
