I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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