I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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