On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i will never coherently bang her
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
