We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
