In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
