Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
