What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
