Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
