worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
