I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
