I'm eating all of the evidence.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
