i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize