i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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