video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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