the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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