Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
