id be glad to
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
