What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
