ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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