I just cut my nipple shaving
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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