So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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