So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
