Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
