My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
