Having a random hookup so left but love u
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
