you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
