DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He better not be in your backpack
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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